Everything about him screamed your future.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
