fuck your aforementioned shoe
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
