Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
