Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
