One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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