Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
