Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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