That's intense
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
