Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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