I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize