just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
