I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
