my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
