I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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