I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
