Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
