i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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