I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
