I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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