it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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