My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
