Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
