i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
