I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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