hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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