i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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