If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
