I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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