His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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