So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
