So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
