Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
