So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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