FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
