glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
