she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
