why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
