Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You dont lie about slip and slides
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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