We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you never un-have a 4some
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
