my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
