god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
