Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
