Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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