"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
