I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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