Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
