I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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