and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
