and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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