I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
