the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
