We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
