Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
