Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
