Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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