well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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