I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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