seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
