and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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