Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
