I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
